EFTA02332701.pdf
dataset_11 pdf 446.4 KB • Feb 3, 2026 • 2 pages
To:
From: Ted Waitt
Sent Mon 3/29/2004 8:17:28 PM
Subject: FW: Is this new?
This is funny, someone sent me this. Apparently it's floating around on the intemet message boards.
Do you know the Beverly Hillbillies? That's the tune of the song.
From: Conway, Duffy
Sent: Friday, March 26, 2004 5:26 AM
To: Ted Waitt; Duffey, Erin
Subject: is this new?
Come listen to a story bout a man named Ted
South Dakota boy whose neck was kinda red
Had a hippie ponytail and his boots were rather large
Went and set up a little bidness in his garage
Gateway that is - direct sellin - customer service
Well the first thing ya know olc Ted's a billionaire
Wall Street said, "Ted, you've really got the flair-
Sell em on the web and on the phone from shore to shore
But never never never try to open up a store"
Nasty overhead - inventory nightmares
Well the stock was doin fine, just movin right along
Bubble floatin higher, Ted could do no wrong
Market share was hummin, cow just waggin its tail
And the fateful day arrived - Ted went retail
Big cow spots - cute little outfits
Well Tcd stepped aside to spend some time on his new boat
Called in some city slickers to keep the cow afloat
Then pop went the weasel, the stock started to grind
And the slickers, it was learned, were robbin him blind
Greed indeed.
EFTA_IRLO1278800
EFTA02332701
So he decided Californy was the place he hadda be
But he kept most of the workers back home in Sioux City
And quarter after quarter after quarter it was found
That Dell and HP/Comaq were slappin Ted around.
What to do, change in strategy, rebrand
The products weren't selling and the marketing was poor
They were losin money each and every week in every store
Board of directors gasped like they were coming down with asthma
So Ted came along and said The Answer Is Plasma
Big Ole Teevees, lower prices
So they started selling plasmas cameras games and MP3s
Camcorders, stereos, DVDs and LCDs
Folks got excited, anticipation getting high
But when they saw the numbers all the Street could do was sigh
Losses piled up, what to do
So Ted bought off this Irvine company to step on in
With a solid reputation for keeping costs thin
Here they come, shareholders, and I'm telling ya now
If you can't see it comin, the tail is gonna wag this cow.
EFTA_R1_01278801
EFTA02332702
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- 331652fe-d8f6-413b-91d2-6e3cbc0547bd
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- dataset_11/EFTA02332701.pdf
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- Created
- Feb 3, 2026