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WHAT HAPPENED TO THE WORLD? Helping children cope in turbulent times By Jim Greenman EFTA00305011 Dear Parents, Educators and Friends: Author Jim Greenman Is Senior Vice President of Education and Program Development for Bright Horizons Family Solutions. All of us have been shaken by the extraordinary events of September II and the national tragedy that has befallen us. No one is immune from the shock 1.• and stresses this kind of catastrophic event can cause. And young children, who are in the most vital stages of development, are especially vulnerable to Bright Horizons ..... the long-term impacts of feelings of shock, anger, confusion and sadness. Bright Horizons Family Solutions is the world's leading provider of child care, early As parents, educators, employers and caregivers, we all want to provide the education, and work/life solutions, caring for more than 40,000 children in more children around us with the support, reassurance and understanding they than 370 child care and early education centers around the world. We dedicate this need to restore their sense of security and calm. But we know this can be book to the thousands of children who lost a parent in the attacks of September II, an especially difficult task at a time when we share so many of their fears. to those young children whose own lives were senselessly lost, and to the thousands of families mourning the loss of loved ones. We also pay tribute to the heroes That is why our organizations, as child care providers, employers, relief among us, Including the Bright Horizons faculty who administered aid to victims workers and grief counselors, have come together to produce What in lower Manhattan in the wake of the attacks. Happened to the World? This booklet offers guidance on how you can Q CHASE help children cope in these turbulent times. It also provides advice and additional resources to help children manage grief, fear and intolerance. JPMorgan Chase had 15,000 employees working out of our downtown New York Together we have an obligation to raise and educate a generation of City offices on the morning of September II. We dedicate this book to the two healthy, vibrant, and tolerant children. It is they who will ultimately provide colleagues whose lives were lost that day, to our staff who lost friends and family the answer to the question "What will happen to our world?" members, and to all the families affected by September's tragic events. Worldwide, 100,000 colleagues in more than 50 countries embody the spirit of the JPMorgan Sincerely, Chase values and work every day to bring their very best to our clients and to our communities. CI MercyCorps Mercy Corps exists to alleviate suffering, poverty and oppression by helping people build secure, productive and lust communities. Mercy Corps has provided over $575 Linda Mason, Chairman and Founder of Bright Horizons Family Solutions million in aid to 73 nations since 1979. The agency currently reaches 5 million people in more than 25 countries. Over 95 percent of the Mercy Corps resources are allocated to programs that help those in need. Joy Bunson, SeniorVice President, Human Resources of JPMorgan Chase llw Dototenler ilr ainn' ( 'feta fin(karats (Miens Neal Keny-Guyer, Chief Executive Officer of Mercy Corps The mission of The Dougy Center for Grieving Children is to provide to families in Portland and the surrounding region loving support in a safe place where children, teens and their families grieving a death can share their experience as they move through their healing process.Through our National Center for Grieving Children 8Z Families, we also provide support and training locally, nationally and internationally to Donna Schuurman, Executive Director of The Dougy Center individuals and organizations seeking to assist children and teens with grief EFTA00305012 What Happened to the World? Helping children cope in turbulent times By Jim Greenman EFTA00305013 Table of Contents Acknowledgements 4 Changes To Help Children Cope With Stress:A Quick Summary 32 When the Towers Fell —"I Am Anyone" 5 When to Seek Help 34 Introduction 6 Helping Children Understand 35 What Happened to the World? 9 Answering Children's Questions 35 Children Need Our Strength: How Do We Feel? 11 Children's Fears 40 Common Emotional Reactions to Trauma 15 Children's Understanding of the World 42 Common Changes in Behavior 16 Questions About Military Engagement,War, and Terrorism 42 Taking Care of Yourself 17 How Do We Answer Younger Children's Questions About Terrorism? 44 Understanding and Supporting Children 18 How Do We Answer Older Children's Questions About Terrorism? 44 Every Child Is Different 20 How Do We Answer Younger Children's Questions About War? 46 Knowing the Child 21 How Do We Answer Older Children's Questions About War, Military Engagement, Retaliation, and Seeking Justice? 46 Children Under 3 Years Old 21 Boys and War 48 What Do Children Under Age 3 Need? 22 What Do We Tell Children Whose Lau( Ones Face Military Service? 48 Preschool Children 22 What Do We Tell Teens Concerned About Military Service? 49 Common Preschool Reactions to Stress 24 Children's Exposure to Death 49 What Do Children Under Age 5 Need? 25 Tolerance: Respect for Others 50 Elementary-School-Age Children 26 Teaching Resistance to Bias 53 Common School-Age Reactions to Stress 27 Helping Children in Child Care and School: Tips for Teachers 54 What Do School-Age Children Need? 28 What Teachers Can Do 56 Junior High and High School Children 29 What Happens Now? Toward a Better World 58 Common Teenage Reactions to Stress 30 Resources 59 What Do Teenagers Need? 30 EFTA00305014  Acknowledgements Grateful appreciation to the following, When the Towers Fell who contributed in the development of What Happened to the World? "I Am Anyone" Donation of services: Jim Greenman Liquid Fire Advertising ( got sitars old or so years obi and r mat to 6e Nukyow Child Care Information Exchange Grey Ink to. clue, nr ke Add, to k.eetyckt ut _eke to connect- wct4 everyone r carte ar6oHt. I arm seamed for me, scarred- forym. Pictorial Offset I fart 4 or +o and r want ttr Wilk sense of the senseless. The Creative Photography Studio 6wId trju Mock tower and knack. u- down, hard. r cant Ito" Steve Sack stormy at- rAe flickering images. Advice and Assistance: "die plane &auk over and over and aver. I am sescAtni James Boehnlein Najia Hyder far understanduy 404- why titu Arena, about whist tAtl meow 4 me. Susan Brenner Griffen Jack l am r or c 0 atto“ and lave alike, 6w- different. Mary Bresadola Doris Jewett I ain't stop tote or r cant ford die words. r make dark Sarah Buckley Kendall Johnson jokes or r make coley direarts. Joy Bunson Mark Koltko-Rivera cant show my came or I cant stop die ton Diana Crespo Joi Lecznar am 6 or 6 0 and I 'Mt mad. How conk they do titur Cynthia Doyle Linda Mason r want mitt even. eve watiet gym' Debbie Dreier Keith Regehr am 7 or 70 and see Aerues. I see fu-efeAters Sheila Eggert Diane Rollo and polio and people bite me AOnni people. r wants John Fazio, Ph.D. Ruthanne Russell to AO). Ca I 6e at itere Jessica Fein Kathleen Schmid Koltko-Rivera r fed powerless. r want to 6e safe. I wet to Sarah Fort Donna Schuurman protect those wham r love. Christine Fossaceca Kathy South feet confused. why of die sky {fail How coAlat people da tittsz r want to know. Mara Galaty Maggie Stanley ( feel angry — r hate who did this. Ant I like theme Dee Dee Guzman Judy Uhron feel so, SP sad — r feel it& erre. Alison Hart Bruce Wachtler ivy hear 6reatks iecatwe of die sadness arrtund me. Ilene Hoffer Jim White fan 2 or 2o, e or go, 5 or 5o and want u- to at like adore. Linda Whitehead 4 5 EFTA00305015  the sky can fall, thousands die, war is proclaimed, and our sense of safety Introduction and security disappears in a day. It is designed to help adults peer into the Children's lives have always been marked by change. Each day brings minds of children and understand their fears, their grief, and their struggles new revelations that life is filled with storms as well as sunshine. No child to understand why the ground under their feet can suddenly shake. ultimately escapes from the experience of fear, loss, grief, and trauma. But While What Happened to the World? is a response to the events of September extraordinary events that shatter the sense of security of everyone they 2001, almost all of the insight into children's thinking and behavior and know and love put a particular pressure on the adults in their lives to what they need from the adult world applies to other calamities, personal be at their best as parents and caregivers. and social; death; natural disaster; and violence. Every day, individual children The attacks of terror on a beautiful day in September 2001, and the touched by life's darker side are asking."What happened to my world?" revelations that more attacks were planned and may be expected in the future, have created a new national reality. The aftermath of a declaration of war on terror, as well as the certain increase in bomb threats, false alarms, and rumors, guarantee that life will be different for children and families for the foreseeable future. The September II attacks were the act of terrorists who hated the politics of the United States. America was attacked by a terrorist organization, not a country and not an Islamic or Muslim movement. Times of conflict and war usually reduce human relationships to "us vs. them" and challenge our capacity for tolerance and understanding. We owe it to our children to resist intolerance and prejudice and to help them grow up understanding our common humanity and respecting our differences. What Happened to the World? is for parents, teachers, and everyone working with children and families who is trying to make sense of a world where 6 7 EFTA00305016 What Happened to the World? On September ll, 2001, three blocks from the World Trade Center, a tilde girl left her child care center with her teacher to reunite with her mother. Stepping out onto the sidewalk, as her eyes, ears, and nose took in the gray air and ankle—deep debris, the amazed child exclaimed for all of us, "What happened to the world?" The teacher could offer no answer other than "You're safe with us. Let's go find your Mom," And that is just what they did. Ma are i.e to answ? Planes crashed, buildings tumbled, smoke thickened the air, and rubble covered the streets. Adults were scared, and on the airwaves and in the headlines there was talk of war Anyone who felt removed from the threats of terror — who thought that mass destruction happened far away on the television or movie screen, that it wouldn't happen here, that Oklahoma City was an aberration — went to bed on September II shaken and changed. The events of that day touched everyone. Certainly the millions in New York, Washington, D.C., and Pennsylvania who experienced the blot and the aftermath know firsthand the trauma. Anyone who commutes to those cities, who travels by air, who works in a tall building or a federal building, who visits New York or Washington, or knows someone who does, is also affected. And, as the fear of further acts of temxism grows, anyone who can safThat could have been me or someone I love" is joined by many others who will worry"That could be me or someone I love — next time 9 EFTA00305017  The alleged hijackers were Middle Eastern men from a number of here and in faraway lands. In the September II disaster, more than 5,000 countries, bonded together by a hatred for the policies and practices of the people from 80 countries perished. News of all the events was instantly United States and by unorthodox, radical beliefs not representative of the broadcast worldwide, and the search for friends and enemies is a global Middle East or of Muslims around the world. Their faces stare back at us one. If our lives and the lives of our children are not to be shrouded in from the front pages of our newspapers and from our television screens. conflict, we will need to learn understanding, tolerance, and respect for We may look at them with fear and uncertainty — fear of our others — a difficult task when the drumbeat of conflict creates a "for us enemies; fear of foreign lands with political structures we don't understand; or against us" mentality. fear of cultures, races, or religions with which we may be unfamiliar; fear A climate of terrorism and war touches us all, but not equally. Some for our country. In this time of crisis in the United States, Arab-American will experience much more pain and distress. In addition to those who communities, citizens from the Middle East, and Muslims in general who have or will experience the events directly, there are many others already have nothing to do with the crisis are potential targets of intolerance, living with trauma or overwhelming stress who are vulnerable to new blows. hatred, and violence simply because of what they look like, the sound of There are also children and adults whose high sensitivity to tragedy and their names, or the ignorance of others. trauma leaves them particularly vulnerable in times when fear and tragedy When will life return to normal? Almost certainly, never. The country and are ever-present. its families will construct a new idea of normal so that life can go on and What happened to the world? It has become a place where we need to we can rebuild. We live in a 24-hour instant news culture where dramatic support each other and our children more than ever before. images of horror or grief surround our children.The"new normal" for children will have to be a world where they come to terms with a new Children Need Our Strength: sense of threat and possible conflict, but nonetheless have the internal How Do We Feel? resources and support to live happy, productive lives. Adults largely set the emotional landscape for children. Children The child's world today is a global village, and children will have to depend on us to be strong and solid, to know what is happening understand what it means to live with others who look and sound different, and to guide them through the shoals of troubled waters. have different cultures and values, and practice different religions. They live 10 II EFTA00305018  How did you feel watching the horror of September II? How did you react strength, reassurance, and calm we can musterTheir sense of safety stems from us: to the growing realization that terror had come into all of our lives, that the big, strong adults who protect them from misfortunes they never imagined. many of us would have or might be directly drawn into the experience of A distraught mother: "I tried to keep talking with my children loss? Our hearts went out to victims and survivors and ached for the about what happened on September II, and they just didn't seem world that had changed. How are you feeling now in a world proclaimed to to care — only that their TV shows were off. My husband is a be at war with terrorism, and what might that mean today or tomorrow? pastor, and last night we organized a silent, candlelight walk down Knowing how you feel and finding your way to higher ground is critical the main streets of our town. The thing my son was excited about to helping the children you love and care for. Even as babies, children see, was that HE got to carry the flag. This seemed important to him hear, and feel our pain and despair, and they look to us for understanding, only because it was fun. I have four children benveen the ages of reassurance, and hope. They have a sixth sense that detects unease and 6 and IS years old. Even my most sensitive child seems not to care. uncertainty When disaster strikes, every child wants to know from you: What can I do to help them understand the magnitude of what has Will I be okay? happened? I have tried so many different approaches, but nothing has worked. I don't expect them to sob like 1 have for the past few Will you be okay? days...but at least SOMETHING should come our of this. I thought Will everybody I care about be okay? maybe they weren't talking because they were so scared...but they The first step in helping children cope with turbulent times is to sort through our said they were not scared. 1 asked them what they thought. They own feelings and get the support we need. Children need from us all the low, decided that we should just annihilate the enemy. (Unfortunately, they got that idea from me.) I talked about the children who will be coming home to a missing parent. I showed them how we could help by donating blood or money. I asked them how they would feel if one day Dad just went off to work as usual and never came home again. I just can't get through to them. I know they are not putting on a happy act and that underneath they are very scared and sad. Please help me." 12 13 EFTA00305019  Teenager: Mom is so sucked. My friends and I talk a lot about Common Emotional Reactions to Trauma terrorism, and, of course, I'm scared. I don't want to fly Shook: How could this happen? to Grandma's this summer, but I'm not going to talk to her and Confusion: What does it all mean? Dad about how I feel — they'll either freak or preach. Who talks to their mom? Fear or worry What will happen next; where, when and to whom? Will it end? The anguished parent's emotional reaction probably overwhelmed her Grief for someone I loved, or someone else like me children. Their reaction to the catastrophe and the distress at home was or those whom I love. actually fairly normal. Anger at the people who perpetrated the attacks, at the cruelty and unfairness of it all. Some experienced the attacks of terror themselves or through the life of someone they knew. But many more watched the television, thinking, Guilt: Why them and not me? It's not like me to hate and want revenge. "That could have been me or my friend or relative. We could be next. Helplessness: I can't make my world like it was — a safe, Why them and not us?" manageable place. We all feel and behave differently in response to trauma; the timing and Sadnesr Lives lost, children orphaned, futures turned to intensity of our feelings and the behavior changes that follow vary from dust and ash. person to person. Some take it all in in a great rush and open wound of Isolation or alienation: I'm not sure if anyone emotion; others compartmentalize or push feelings down and try to understands my feelings. manage the response. The stress in each of our lives varies widely, as do Hopelessness: I'm not sure all this effort is worth it; the supports that we have to cushion and offset the large and small what does it matter? challenges to our well-being. But somewhere inside, we all feel frightened and vulnerable. 14 IS EFTA00305020  Common Changes in Behavior All of these reactions are normal, up to a point. You are not alone in these responses. But when the reaction is intense and prolonged, seeking help is I don't know how many times I have been in tears. Or angry. important for you and the children for whom you care. I either want to hug my kids or get away from them. I just want to sleep. My husband is driving me crazy. He constantly Taking Care of Yourself watches the news, or just works, and pays little attention to us. To take care of children, you need to take care of yourself He doesn't sleep much. Talk about your feelings with adults with whom you feel secure. Many people respond to trauma with some of the following reactions and Try to create a daily routine and rituals that support your current changes in behavior: needs [routine is a morning cup of coffee; ritual is more personal — drinking the coffee from your favorite cup while sitting in a Appetite changes chair by the window). Change in sleeping patterns Try to create a daily routine and rituals that support your Anxiety family's current needs. Tension Live well: eat right, get exercise, sleep. Headaches and low resistance to illness Cry when you need to, and seek solitude when you have to. Crying Take breaks from the news and headlines. Anger or short temper Take breaks from others who bring you down. Fatigue Give yourself and those around you some slack for poor Hyperactivity behavior under stress. Mood swings Seek help if you feel that life is not becoming more manageable. Difficulty concentrating Replenish your spirit with friends, faith, family, music, or nature. Numbness or apathy Depression 16 17 EFTA00305021  Understanding and terrifying their younger siblings. They focused on the gory details. They also plotted grisly counter-terror initiatives. Manny's older Supporting Children brother talked enthusiastically of enlisting in the armed forces. A week after the terror in New York 4-year-old Kia asked her Die Hard, The Terminator, JAG, and other action dramas are now taking mom when the planes would stop crashing and the buildings stop on new meaning for young adults, particularly boys. Their reactions to falling. Her mother reassured her that it was all over. "No, Morn, world events and approaching manhood will reflect the fascination with it happened again fast night, and this morning," said Kia. "Honey, doing good (and evil) dramatically. It is normal for them to play the it's over," her mother said with a hug. "No! Come look," Kia roles of warriors and police. insisted, and her mother once again saw the familiar images appearing on the TV screen, "But that's the same plane and the same building. Thar happened last week," her mother explained. "Oh," said Kia, still convinced that hundreds of planes had attacked hundreds of buildings. The planes keep crashing into the buildings. The buildings keep falling down. The people keep emerging covered with dust and blood, day after day And, if you are a child watching the news, it doesn't stop. If you happen to be 3 or 4 or 5 years old, still learning to navigate the confusing borders of time and space and what is real and what isn't, you probably think it's dozens of planes and dozens of buildings. Daily crashes result in daily destruction, and the child may always be thinking, "When will it happen to me?" I2-year-old Jason, Manny, and their friends spent time together delightedly imagining all the ways the terrorist might strike again, 18 19 EFTA00305022  Every Child Is Different Knowing the Child Anne, at the age of 3, paid dose attention to TV reports of any threat Supporting children during times of uncertainty and stress begins — thaw, hurriames, and emthquakes — and nightmares alwuys foliated. with knowing your child. The best indicators of distress in children The loss of a pet. a friend mooing away, and the sorrows of distant are changes in their behavior. Watch for behavior that is not typical others were all felt intensely. Alejandro on the other had breezed for the child: a normally outgoing child behaving shyly or withdrawing; through his childhood with only a brief pause for the real calamities that or a child becoming whiny, irritable, or anger-prone. A teen who occurred around him. lOrn's vivid imagination and her empathy for is normally cool and distant may withdraw from the family even others left her seriously vulnerable when any tragedy crossed her path. more. A child may regress to past behavior, thumb sucking or Malik and Tyler's 9-year-old response to airplane crashes were defiance, clinging, or not showing the self-help skills of which similar while not appearing particularly upset, each needed precise he or she is capable. answers on an infinite number of details about the crash. And 15-year- Remember, not all behaviors or behavior changes stem from a crisis. All the old Steven near let on that anything would shake his cool veneer. other aspects of life and development are marching on — adjusting to Obviously; children are different, from adults and hoar each other But remembering a new class or school, friends moving away or changing allegiances, that in practice is not always easy for parents and teachers. Children think very parents worried about layoffs, or a teen not having a date — all create differently from adults, and at each stage of development they view the world personal stress that may eclipse societal turmoil. through their own unique lenses. From birth, children have their own sensitivity Children Under 3 Years Old to change, to unexpected events, and to distress.They respond to dramatic events and stress in their own way and with differing intensity. They know something is up. All children are vulnerable, but not equally A child already grieving over a lost Children under age 3 experience tragedy or disaster by absorbing the tension, fear, loved one (including a pet), divorce, or separation, may feel more vulnerable, as will or hurt of the people they love and the changes in the household or child children who have families in crisis, or who are under stress for any number of care program. Even very young babies react when parents are upset or depressed. reasons. Unusually sensitive and empathetic children will also struggle more to Two-year-cMs are beginning to understand the concept of hurt and may point out come to terms with events. hurt people. They also may want to comfort you and others who are upset. 2O 21 EFTA00305023  Infants and toddlers can only show their distress with the language Preschool children have a conscious awareness that people can come and of behavior: eating (and pooping), sleeping, being contrary, clinging to go, and in times of crisis are likely to have fears of abandonment. They feel you, and crying. helpless because they now understand that they need protection and care, and they worry,"Something might happen to those I love and need." What Do Children Under Age 3 Need? Children's sensitivity to tragic events as depicted on television varies widely Some Normal routines and favorite rituals children barely notice or shake it off relatively quickly; some are very traumatized. A peaceful household Most children fall in between those poles. Preschool children may ask a lot of Very limited exposure to the media and adult conversations questions. They need honest answers, but do not need details that will disturb about crisis, disaster, or military engagement them. Do not bring up issues that don't appear to be on the child's mind, but Ample time with calm, loving, reassuring adults do listen for hidden questions. Remember the old story about the S-year-old who asked7Where did I come from?' Following a short discussion of where babies Preschool Children come from, the child said,"Okay, but Tony came from Iowa. What about me?" They know more than you think, and much of it is incomplete or misconceived. 14i DAD. GUeSS Yep.FiRST TiMe so Tea me.Does WHAT-Stle SLEPT SiNce we LOST THAT COL,NTAS A THROUGH me HeR MOM. GLORIOUS VicTORY Preschool children are much more aware of world events than babies and more NIGHT! mine FiGHTAGAiNST GLOBAL TERRORISM, aware than we think, but their understanding is limited.Very young children are I Does iT Feet_A Line magical thinkers and do not live in our adult woddThey confuse fantasy and reality, Vi FtY, time and space, and are working through the concepts of cause and effect and SON? permanence. Their daily world is already populated with monsters, disasters, nightmares, and heroes.The images on the news are not different from the fictional images they see on the television screen, so the maid- impact of the tent( and its aftermath is the effect that it has on adults new fears of bombs; anxiety about air travel, buildings Wing down, and the threat of war. Children pay attention to adult words, and words such as cad; raving, and retaliadon may make them feel insecure. 22 23 EFTA00305024  Play is how children make sense of and come to terms with a world that Cries or screams for help offers surprises and puzzles every day. Play is how children achieve mastery Fear of being left alone; fear of strangers over the situations in which they are powerless. Their dram